With the new blooms of flowers and fresh outbursts of water, there were lots of new things happening around the school. Freshers of elevens and nines joined the school for a bright future. Amongst many, there was a boy known as Rabgyal who was eccentric and hates the word “Love”.  He never attends the assembly and smoking was his super habit. He doesn’t use to care much about anyone but smile always without any reason. He uses to have more friends but had zero interest in studying.  He was in the grade of eleven and he wants to experience the happiness of heaven.

At the same section, there was a girl named Pema. She was excels at almost all the subjects. Her silky hair, which resembles fans' ears, smooth eyebrows, and her looks like a phoenix made all men adore her.  Many boys did approach her and it was of no use. She adores being alone and reading more. Inside the classroom, Rabgyal use to show up late and he never fails to be part of the failures. Rabgyal always gives silly reasons when the administration asks for clarification. Those funny actions made Pema fall in love with him but could not express it. Days rolled to months and her emotions are getting stronger towards him.

 

One day Pema passed a chat to Rabgyal while Rabgyal was talking with his friends. He could not wait to open that piece of chat from the most hardworking girl. He was shocked when he saw “can we be friends”. He accepted that letter and continued to talk with his friends.  Days passed, they became so close and some of the mates started to tease them. Those words could not shake his emotions either. She cared for him so much and he always tries to ignore her. She uses to sit near him during the class hour and pinch him softly when he drowses off. That continued too long and classmates were confused why Rabgyal doesn't understand her feelings. Friends of Pema encouraged Pema to approach him by now. As friends suggested to her, she approached him. But there was no reply from him even though it passed for a week.

 

Their friendship worsened no talks in between, there were no smiles on his face, and it became only one-sided love. Pema continued to text him normally to be at least friends once more. They came back to normal and happiness in Pema grew again. Two months later Rabgyal appealed to the administration asserting he doesn’t want to study anymore but to continue next year at another school. That words and his action made all furious. The administration approved his request but was unable to understand his problem being at the school. His friends tried to convince him. Pema personally requested him not to leave but he denied saying I don’t want to study anymore. The very next day he left the school. Pema lost her love from the class but she could not forget him as he was her first lust. Although she found difficulties in concentrating on her studies she tried to be okay.  After two years of acceptance, her excellence in her studies made her proud when she got the opportunity to become a Cardiologist.

Ten years later Pema completed her training and returned to her heavenly country to serve the nation. She was sent to one of the regional hospitals in the southern part of the country as a cardiologist. She was warmly welcomed by the staff. She felt proud and from the next day, she started performing the works. While she was going through the list she saw a heart patient named Rabgyal. She could not believe her eye; she went through it once more. She called one of her assistants and asks about him. “He is one of the patients that are hospitalized a month ago and his life is at risk right now”. Hearing those words, she accelerated towards the wardroom to clarify herself. She pushed the door, nurses helped her to open Drapes and near the bed, she saw a lady sitting. She got discouraged when she saw only the lady who was busy cleaning the bed.

Assuming her confidently “Ama! Where is your son?” she queried.

“Madam he went to have fresh air near the ground” the lady replied.

 

She rushed towards the ground. She was eager to see his face and smile. Down at the ground, she saw him. He was wearing a thin blue color shirt with some pattern and black jeans. She slowly reached near him and taped from behind. He turned back. It was a person she had thought. With smiles she spoke called out name.

“Oh! Hello Pema, I didn’t notice you coming. How had you been and what made you come here” Rabgyal replied with extensive smiles.

“Thank god! You haven’t forgotten my name in between, I am here to make you well” replied she.

“How can I forget you, you had been good to me when I was at high school” lowered his voice.

“Ah! Forget about the past, where is your wife? Where had you continued your studies? And what job are you doing right now?”  Pema started popping many questions.

“We are meeting for the first time and your questions are making me mad” he replied.

 

“Let’s go to your room then” Pema requested.

“Had you been to my room? What made you go there? And why are you at this hospital?” Rabgyal asked her.

“Well as I had mentioned earlier I am a cardiologist and I got into work today. While I was going through the patient list I saw your name and I came in search of you” she replied.

“Okay madam, let’s go” saying this he started to walk. While walking he asked if she had gotten married or not?

“Sorry Rabgyal, in my life, I am in love with only one and still I am waiting for his answer” she replied with the emotional tune. They walked upstairs talking. Rabgyal felt guilty when he got the answer. Finally, he got to the room and introduced her to his mom. After some time she went to her operational duty and continued her work.

Mom asked Rabgyal who she was. He simply replied, " she is my classmate once open a time".

 

Days passed by without missing even a single day she came to meet him and spent talking with him and his mom. Their Happiness grew. She did not miss any of the days at her work. One day she called his mom to her office and asked about his studies, the work he is doing, and his health.

Mom shared what had happened before eleven years back.

He got the disease when he was in the grade of nine. We encouraged him to go for further check-ups and do the necessary things before going to school. He denied stating he shall continue his studies to a grade of eleven. He use to vomit with the blood and he use to be sick during the night most of the time.

“What about his studies?” asked Pema?

“He did not study from the day he came home leaving his school. He said that he just want to spend his short period with the family members. So, he continued to be with us and we too took him to meet his relatives. And the day just after we came home he felt sick. The report was worsened then, it was too late for the check-up and losing his life now” stated his mom glancing at the object which was at the table. 

 

An ocean full of tears filled the gap in her eye hearing those words from his mother.

Her memories flickered to grade 11. She got the answer to why he smoked so much. Why had he given a silly reason when the administration asked for clarification? Why he was always ready to break into smiles without any reason and last why he doesn’t use to study anymore. She didn’t know that there was a lifelong problem behind his cute smiles. That day she did not go to see him instead moved to a shop where flowers are being sold. Her mind thrived of giving small happiness in his short life. 

 

The next day she forced him to ride along the stream. When they reach the stream milky water made their perfect view to create memories. She presented him with the bouquet and approached him once more.

“Hey! Rabgyal, I had fallen in love with you when I saw you for the first time at the school and approached you once yet you never gave me the answer. So today for one more time let me remind you that I love you and will always love you after this generation too.” She did her part and she was waiting for the answer.

A few later moments later Rabgyal’s voice grew with the words “Pema as you are much more gorgeous, you will get a better person as compared to me.” Saying those he kept his eye away from her. Pema grabbed his hand with tears “I had been waiting for you too long. Please let me have a place in your heart until you are alive.”

“Why can’t you understand the situation? I got the busted organ which you are asking for.” Rabgyal Roared.

“Let me have the place. I am here to heal and regain your organ” she answered.

Hearing those words Rabgyal knew how much she was truly in love with him. They went silent and the moon replaced the position of the sun. They went towards the hospital in silence. The silence broke out when Rabgyal asked if he could have dinner at the canteen. For his happiness she accepted. They enjoyed the dinner and went to have a night view at the hilltop. While they were enjoying the scene she clicked the photos for the first time with her love.  “Pema, if this is my last day to live and go far away from you all please convince my mom not to cry and if you happen to miss me be at this place and refresh yourself with a fresh dancing wind.” Rabgyal spoke with smiles and tears. Those words made her shut for a moment.

” You don’t have to worry. Everything will be fine” she replied. Let us have the happiness” she prayed from inside. Unknowingly tears rolled down her chicks.

“Pema you are beautiful as flowers, and when you cry that face looks like the flower of autumn threatened by a heavy rain” he uttered smiling.

For the sake, she smiled holding her emotions behind. Time passed over too fast, by then it was about 11 pm and they decided to leave by giving a hug. They reached the room and she walked to her apartment. She couldn't fall asleep. The words he spoke continued to distract her eye making it wet. Morning alarm tuned high and she furiously taped on her phone. The screen showed 10 am. She rubbed her eyes and logged in to the phone. There were ten miscalls from the health department. She dialed the number and there was the voice proclaiming “come fast to Rabbgyal’s room as he is at last breath”.  

 

She rushed and within a short period, she stepped into his room. Doctors were using many machines to hold his breath. She quickly hugged him with tears.

“Thank god you have come to save me! I am happy to see you. On the table, there is a diary and it belongs to you, and yes I love you.” He smiled a bit.

“Mom, you had suffered a lot for me and I will pray to be your son in the next generation, as I could not be a good son presently” saying that he hugged his mother tightly.

“Pema I love to see your smiles please” he requested her. With hardness, she smiled for a while holding his hand. She hugged him and she knew the motion of his heart stopped. All were helpless for him, but they controlled their tears as he mentioned not to cry if he stops to talk. Pema lost her love from class 11 and now from the world. She was now left only with the diary. For the next two weeks, she begged for leave and helped Rabgyals mom in doing the necessary ritual. One day picking up the diary she reached the place where they enjoyed before talking and watching the scene. She felt blue when she reached there in absence of him.  She recollected his words and took out the diary.

 

She flipped the first page and it was written “Unspoken lust". She flipped another and it was inscribed

Dear diary… (First day at my class)

After a long time of my life, I reached here at a school to continue my studies. Wow! Eleventh… I can’t believe it. I am going to spill the beans, so please don’t share with anyone. Today as I attended my class I saw my princes. Her name suits as per her face as faired skin with glory smiles and I heard that she is a hardworking girl. And the sad part I heard was she doesn’t have a single interest in a relationship. Any way let my god decide the offerings… good night diary will keep you up-to-date information... so be ready to hear next.

 

Dear diary…. (She wants me to be her friend)

Hey, diary! How had you been? Are you as happy as I am today?

If you are not happy as I am than, let me share with you one happy news. Today while I was talking with my friends she asked me if I could be friends with her. That word counted my happiness like a free caged bird flying after five years. But I acted normal to watch her actions… Am I not silly? Let it be. I will act normal and get more attention from her...bye diary. I have to attend my evening study…Stay tuned to the next step…

 

Dear diary… (Our friendship)

As progressed she came near me… At that time I shivered...lol. Unknowingly I was caught dozing while the teacher was teaching. I could still feel her soft hand on my skin. After school, she always spends her time with me and yes I am trying to make her happy too. Her presence in the class makes me happy and to be honest, I hate when boys talks with her. What a greedy personality I have. It is always a pleasure to have her as my friend.  Tank you God, for sending her. Good night diary I got to sleep...

 

Dear diary….

Do you know what's the date today is? TIt's18th and she approached me. Aren’t you surprised? Finally, she spoke the truth which I was waiting for till date but I had not replied to her yet. What is the reason behind it? So, today is the right night to lay the first stone to share with you. I am heart patient and my hours are pleasing less to be with her. I should not add a burden to her. She should study hard and be a successful person in the next eleven years. Let her think that I don’t love her. I know I am hurting her but diary understands my situation too. Knowing I won't be able to make her happy in my presence here, I am planning to leave my school. Further, I have to spend my next hours with my family. So, don’t let me down, no one will understand me except you… bye diary, I want to take a rest as tomorrow I have to take my leaving certificate.

 

Dear diary… (Left my school)

I pretended not to cry in front of her and her friends. But emotions could not be hidden. As I enter the car the tears rolled down and I felt sad. My father asked me if I could continue… but I decided to leave. Way to home was too long. I didn’t talk to my family members but recollected what I had been doing at school. Her face smiles, and words kept on trotting my head. But what to do only memories and pictures I had to go through. Finally, I am home and I am happy to meet my cousins and grandparents. Goodnight diary I have to take a rest as I am a bit tired.

 

Dear diary… (Missing her)

It’s about days I had started to miss her truly. While I was doing cleaning I found her picture on A4 paper lying. I picked up the paper and I was staring and collecting the memories. Suddenly my mom tapped me from behind. Asked me who she was? And my answer was my friend. She comforted herself next to me and said why there is the presence of tears in my eye. She understood that I am missing someone.

Now I understood the word “love “. “Love is for god, not humans. That was the thought and belief that I had to date. But someone entered my life and that belief proved me wrong when I meet with her at my high school. “Now I realized why lovers cried when departed when one did a mistake and lastly why they are happy when they are together. Bye diary I can’t hold on and write more. I think I should take a shower to be normal.

Dear diary… (Letter to her)

Dear Pema, I know you were hurt by my actions. If you can, please forgive me… I know you have the dream of becoming a great person and your hard work deserves that. Keep going with your life and I pray for our meeting before nature stops me from providing oxygen. I could not be a great man behind you in this life but I would be waiting for you in your next life and give you more support and happiness. If we never meet in the future don’t feel sad but be happy. Life is not the piece of cake but tens of steps. So never let yourself down but continue baking it until you are at a high level.

If fortune if we meet and pass away in your arm then don’t cry, say to my families and friends not to cry, because if you all cry I would not get a space to be peace in heaven.  And the last word, please do your works greatly.

-Regard Rabgyal.

 

Dear diary… (Last page)

You were only the one I could share my feelings and understands my emotions in return. From tomorrow onwards I may not be able to share you and give you pain by crafting through your body. So I bid goodbye to you too. GOODBYE, MY DIARY….

Reading the diary Pema recollected the memories, shed tears a bit, controlled her emotions, looked up in the sky, and prayed “dear god let him rest in peace and give me a second chance to be with him in the next generation”. From that day onwards she keep on visiting his parents and lent love like Rabgyal used to give them, they felt happy with the presence of her in place of Rabgyal. As her profession is cardiologist, she saved many youths and the happiness grew over time to others. But she could not forget him from her heart.

"It does not mean betrayal always! When someone leaves you but it is the time good had managed to grow your affection towards them"

                                                             The end …..